The Juggle Manual
Transparency has always been my aim for Keep Good Company, I hope to grow a community of women and men that are sharing how they manage the juggle, with work life and children.
The purpose of this blog is simple. Before I had children I wanted to understand how it worked in practice; I wanted to see women like me working in Tech and how they managed their careers, motherhood, partnerships and life. It completely scrambled my brain how I would make it all work, and I felt I didn’t have anyone to ask.
Things have evolved A LOT since then, people are more visible and transparent and the Instagram showreel of perfect lives has been thrown out the window and a much more authentic version of reality is being adopted (thankful for that as who wants to feel crap eh!)
To give the back story, I have always worked in a male dominated environment, I didn’t really have that many women around me that were working in Tech that had children, or worked in leadership roles. I was also brought up by my single mother, there was no such thing as co-parenting, or equity in the roles my parents played to raise me. My mother did everything, I barely saw my father, so I had nothing to model it against.
The idea about writing about this is not to say we have got it all down and are perfect, hell no, but I wanted to show others what it may look like in practice and how we (my husband and I) juggle our lives to make it work.
This post was also inspired by the growth incubator’s post that talks about how men are feeling worried to take parental leave, feel they are missing out on spending time with their families and are missing crucial early years with their children, this is all so sad. We need to show others what equality looks like.
Therefore the geek in me has written a ‘Juggle Manual’….
Before I delve into this I have to put a note to a few things;
our way is not THE right way, it's just OUR way
your family will have unique things and indiviual circumstances to you so this is in no way a comparison game
it's a work in progress, I may as things evolve or the children grow update this manual
To set the scene…
my husband works full time and I work 3 days a week with flexibility (I have set hours I work but it's flexible as I cover 2 time zones - southern and northern hemispheres)
we have 2 children pre-school age, 4 and under
calendars/communication/boundaries
We are really lucky and priviledged that we both mostly work remotely from home. That hasn’t always been the case but lockdown changed our lives forever for the better (one positive I have to take from the pandemic). My husband does one day a week in the office and I do about once a month.
We have been very clear to the teams we work with about the juggle. That's not so other people in our team pick up our work or the slack, but we have set boundaries about when we can work and when we can’t.
For example, simple things like I block out my diary for when I'm doing nursery runs, so people from the Southern Hemisphere don't put meetings in my diary early in my morning. I also allocate one early morning a week so I can block book time with my team in Sydney. Which means I start work at 6am. This only works as my partner is home to sort the kids out before he starts work and get them to nursery. Equally he is out the home all day the next day so I'm on the hook for the same.
We have to be clear with each other when one of us has to work late so the other can pick up the care of the children. It can sometimes get messy but it mostly works out OK.
childcare/support network
Our kids are in childcare 3 days a week, we sadly don't have any outside help. There are no grandparents, and my sibling lives very far away, so there is no one to help, it's just me and my husband. That's really hard to navigate when the kids are sick, as it means lots of working in the night or a day off.
I do have a core group of friends on Whatsapp who all live locally that are my go to, what do I do if XYZ happens, and we navigate the bugs, development leaps together, but I don’t really talk to them about my work structure much as we all have very different work situations.
house management
In an ideal world we would have a cleaner, but finances just can't stretch atm.
We are really sad and have a rota on our fridge where we divvy up cleaning tasks, I use the organised Mum method where you spend 30 mins cleaning a room, as that's all I have time for. I also accept our house will look like a shit-hole sometimes. C'est la vie!
We meal plan for the week which we have been doing for about 4 years and it's such a time saver. We don't have the constant conversation of "wtf are we cooking tonight?!". This has changed things quite a lot, I don’t have to think, it does mean I need to get organised so one night a week I plan what we are doing and eating, but I’ve been doing it for so long now it takes like 30 mins.
self care
I seem to be a bit better at allocating time to this than my partner. I have 2 sessions of personal training per week which is in the diary and I'm able to get to mostly, they are only 30 min sessions. An early Saturday morning and over one of my lunch breaks on my work days. They are quick short bursts...and then I try to tail on another session in the week for exercise at home; which is normally me trying to do yoga with two kids jumping on my back. It's not perfect, some weeks it goes to shit and I can’t make any of my PT sessions but I know if I exercise I can be a better Mum, and my PT does a little boxing session which I always really need 😁
Sleep is hit and miss, I have an 18 month old. Say no more.
There are lots more things I could do, for instance my social life can be dire, I could meditate every day too, but I just can't seem to prioritiize this and that's ok. I've accepted I'm in the trenches with the children right now. It will come with time, I have friends who are about 2 years ahead of me with their kids and see they do go out more alone, have more date nights, can shave their legs that type of thing and it gives me hope. It will happen, just whilst the boys are small not right now.
learning and support
I've learnt to reach out to others to find how they manage work and kids. I've watched my friends that had children before me, my friends that have been promoted at work to more leadership positions, I've asked the women in my exec team at work, and I've spoken to men who have children. Listening and learning all the time…I know for some following Mum accounts on social sites can be triggering, and you have to do what is right for you. Motherhood can be so hard and you can feel all THE emotions, the system is fundamentally broken and its hard to not feel bitter at times about this. But there is stuff out there that is helpful, you have to work out what it is for you.
I also really encourage you to grow a network of parents at work or in your industry, and check in with each other regularly. I have 2 guys in my UK team who have children that are 7 and 9 and they have given me some amazing advice about things such as ear infections, sleep, even breast feeding!
Talking is so helpful to hear how others manage the juggle.
I hope you found this helpful, and I would love to hear ideas about how you manage things with work and parenting.
Always learning here
Carrie
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