Maternal Mental Health Week
Hi there,
It’s not lost on me that it’s Maternal Mental Health week and yet I had to take a day off work this week due to feeling stressed, which in turn impacted my health and the health of the baby. All is OK now, but it is a reminder that I need to really look after myself. Which also made me wonder how many other Mum’s are thinking about this and doing the same or not doing the same in looking after themselves.
This has been one of the toughest years if you are a working Mum through a pandemic, we have all been failed by the government, by the system, and if you still have a job you are one of the lucky ones, but there are sacrifices from that, which will have probably been your health or your state of mind. For most Mum’s their lives have been divided into two areas, work or parenting, with nothing in between, and that's not a failing on them that's just the reality of holding down a job whilst home-schooling or baby wrangling. You just have to look at the stories or reports from Pregnant then Screwed to see that women are struggling and are feeling very unsupported.
Throw a pregnancy in on top of that, or worse you may have had your baby at the start of the pandemic and very quickly what was supposed to be a wonderful, joyous maternity leave can turn into one of isolation, stress or depression.
We all too easily get on that hamster wheel and just run as fast as we can, ticking off lists, always putting others first, their needs, wants and doing all of the emotional labour for the family. Feelings of resentment, anger rise or worst apathy. I'm the worst for it, I hardly ever allocate any time for myself, always bottom of the pile and it’s not a badge of honour I’m proud of. It brings immense shame as I know there will be a fall out - my health or my patience for my child, and that is the WORST feeling as then you have guilt.
So what do you do, I try to take emotion out of things these days (although it does feel like a very emotional response at times) and deal with a problem like I would at work.
I write an action plan of the things I need and how to work around them if I can’t get the time or the freedom to do what I need. Here are some things that have helped me:-
Daily self-care checklist (these include things such as drinking water, back stretches, meditation, grounding breath-work, mantra’s, affirmations. The wonderful Mamma Coach has helped me get some structure into what I need to do daily with this
Getting outside for exercise/walk - In an ideal world I’d be doing pregnancy yoga every day but my work schedule and time I need to look after my son doesn’t allow. So I opt for other things such as walking. My pace is slowing down due to the ever growing bump but those steps really help, something is better than nothing and it’s also quite nice to enjoy a scenic view (in my case the sea!)
Sleep - I find when I'm stressed the first thing that goes is my sleep. I suffer terribly from a racing mind as I'm constantly trying to problem solve - a notepad by the bed is good for offloading, hypno-birthing or relaxation audios can really help, but failing that at the wkds I do as many day time naps as possible.
Food - I think the easiest thing is to eat a load of crap when you are tired but it never works and you always feel terrible after so some healthier choices really help try Parachute nutrition offers some good options
Talking to a friend - this is a hard one as I know it probably doesn’t feel like there are many listening ears atm. Everyone is dealing with loss in a pandemic whether that’s financial, a loved one or in their social circle and it may feel like the last thing you would want to put on someone is how you are feeling but it’s important to speak to someone. Here are some groups that can help if you don’t have that village that everyone tells you you need to bring up a child - Pandas Foundation Parents1st
Social media break - limit your time away from your phone, scale back, nothing will happen if you are away for a few days or even a couple of weeks!
I hope this helps, from one working Mum to another, whilst I like to keep my blogs relevant to product design and development. I am a woman, mother and friend first so this highlight week felt a particular pull to write about.
Let me know if you have any other things that help you get through a tough spot.
My DM’s are always open, so feel free to ping me if you want a chat.
Carrie
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